Student zone
This page is powered by College Humor
1 likes|
Things look a little different when you're a freshman...
|
|
|
|
|
|
Written 2010-09-03 16:02:00
by Alex Watt
from Siena College
|
Kid-Tested, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony-ApprovedBased on all the swastikas carved into bathroom stalls, NAZIs must be the most constipated people on earth. Digestively speaking, isn't every fast food joint technically an In-N-Out Burger? Have you ever noticed how sick horses just sort of stick together? I just bought one of those wristwatches that shows you what phase the moon is in. Apparently, right now it's feeling really noncommittal and just getting into Faulkner. It's OK for me to make Anne Frank jokes, because my girlfriend looks like Fat Anne Frank. Sometimes I wish politics were more like math; that way it'd be impossible for our views to be divided by ground zero. It's pretty ironic that anarchists all use the same symbol. Rose is red, Hypnotiq is blue, Moscato is sweet, and I pour whiskey into my coffee every morning on the way to work. |
|
|
|
|
|
Written 2010-09-03 14:00:00
by 105%-O-Matic
from Bucks County Community College
|
|
Me: Lev! I've travelled back in time to prepare you for your Freshman year! Lev: Wow! Future-me! Me: I have to give you warnings from the future about Freshman year. Because you can change what happens and- Lev: Oh wow! It's like the fifth season of Lost! That ends cool, right? Me: ...sure, yeah, totally. But back to business. Our high-school girlfriend? Dump her fast. Sorry. Lev: What!? But she's perfect, she's the most beautiful, perfect girl at my high school... Me: Keep going... Lev: In my grade...of 90 kids... Me:Go further. Lev: ...who would get with me. Me: That's what I thought. Which reminds me: the first girl you hook up with at a frat party is not your girlfriend. Lev: What? But we made out and everything! Me: I know. But do not triple text her. You will look creepy. Lev: Maybe her phone is broken... Me: No it isn't. And apparently telegrams are 'creepy.' Lev: ...Woo... |
|
|
|
|
|
Written 2010-09-03 13:00:00
by Lev Novak
from Tufts University
|
|
Dating someone? Well great! Send your craziest, funniest, most embarrassing dating related stories to me using this cool automatic submission form!  -Sara So me and my girlfriend were at Barnes and Noble a few days ago and saw this biography in the bargain section. My girlfriend looked at the cover and asked me if it was the main character guy from Hot Rod... it was a book about Bob Dylan -Anonymous When we just started dating, my fiancé sent me a sexy topless photo of herself on AIM. Great huh? The problem is she sent it to me during my Intro to Business final which consisted of power point presentation shown directly from my computer. So in the middle of my business plan for an indoor water park, her boobs came on screen. I got rid of it quick but my professor docked me 5 points for "distractions.” -Anonymous |
|
|
|
|
|
Written 2010-09-02 16:00:00
by Jason
from University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign
|
|
Do your parents not understand technology? Do they ask you stupid questions? Do they send you absurd text messages? Do they use words like "MyFace,""SpaceBook,"or "The World Wide Web?"  Your parents' white board. My mom is convinced that in order for her to use Skype she needs to have Internet Explorer open so she is "connected to the internet." My mom, after years of semi-successfully emailing me, sent me an empty email with an attachment that led to a Google Doc asking me to send her a picture of my new haircut. WTF mom? I'm surprised although I guess I shouldn't be since you still insist on holding the house phone to your ear while you skype me... Every time I'm listening to loud music on my pc, my father still tells me to "turn down the radio." I don't have a radio. My mom has a friend who was abroad and she chat with her everyday through facebook or gmail. One day she told me that her friend said chatting through msn is faster. She asked, "Is there any in the house?" My grandmother asked me today if I needed to get a separate laptop to use for my French classes because the one I have now doesn't have french buttons. |
|
|
|
|
|
Written 2010-09-01 16:00:00
by Susanna Wolff
from Columbia University
|
 People like to make jokes at the expense of WoW players, and with all the videos of them smashing monitors and throwing temper tantrums on the Internet, it's not too surprising. Finding the best Warcraft videos on the web is like trying to pick your favorite pizza topping: They're all so damn good that it's hard to narrow it down. But we did our best. Here's our tribute to the greatest freakouts, pranks, and embarrassing moments in Warcraft videos. 10.There's emerging genre of Internet video featuring girls destroying their boyfriend's gadgets (or in this case, characters) and then recording the fallout. You can actually see this guy go through the first two stages of grief almost immediately: "Hmmm, that's strange. My main character isn't showing up on my server login screen. No worries, it's probably just some kind of load error. I'll just go ahead and log back in...And he's still gone. This has to be some kind of mistake, unless someone deleted my char....AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! SMASH. SMASH. SMASH." From denial to unbridled anger in just a few seconds! |
|
|
|
|
|
Written 2010-09-01 16:00:00
by Dorkly
|
|
They drove five hours to come see their kid at college and thought they could all take in a game together. They would think that. Idiots. Jesus, do they not realize how embarrassing they are? Their kid has lived on his own at school for, like, a month now. He's grown. The last thing he needs is his mom and dad asking about whether or not he's made friends and how his classes are. Just shut up and try to make it through the next 36 hours without humiliating him too much, MOM. Oh, and they're going to Target after the game. There's a bunch of stuff he needs them to buy for his dorm room. |
|
|
|
|
|
Written 2010-09-01 15:00:00
by Sports Pickle
|
|
Guy: What? In the middle of Kathryn’s eulogy? Girl: You’ll never guess what she did. So listen to this: it turns out that her and Sebastian had this weird, sexually tense relationship, and at one point they had a bet going, and if he won the bet he got to f*** her… Guy: What?? Girl: Well, okay so—they’re really just step-siblings. No one seems to realize that, but it’s kind of important to the story. Because now it’s not that weird for him, right? Guy: I mean, I guess not. I don’t know if I can get over that though. Girl: Well, just hang on a sec. Now the bet, and this is where it looks kind of bad on his part initially, is that he couldn’t f*** the headmaster’s daughter—but hear me out! He ends up falling in love with her, right? So it’s real sweet and all. Guy: I guess so… |
|
|
|
|
|
Written 2010-09-01 14:00:00
by Jesse E
from Rutgers University
|
 1. The Jaded Genius You know this school you worked so hard to get into? It was this girl's safety school. And she's pissed to be here. In fact, she's still wearing her Princeton sweatshirt she bought in March just so you know that she knows that she's better than you. That's how sure she was that she was going to get in. She will try and transfer as soon as possible, and god help her if she has to stay in this sh*thole longer than a semester. 1. The Jaded Genius  2. That Douchebag From Your High School Unless you are going to college in one of the former Yugoslav republics, there will be at least one assh*le from your high school who has never talked to you. Now that he is out of his natural environment of your hometown where he is friends with other douchebags, he will cling to you and pretend you have always been good friends. He will drop you as soon as someone that isn't you talks to him. 
This guy is from some Asian country, and you really aren't sure which. He is dressed very nicely because his parents incorrectly assumed Americans have respect for higher education. He also has thick glasses and a cell phone way cooler than anything they sell in America. In a couple of weeks, he will be the kid ruining the curve on your computer science midterm. |
|
|
|
|
|
Written 2010-08-31 18:00:00
by Matt Powers
from Pennsylvania State University
|
|
Ears: Ok, everyone, that’s the alarm. Time to get up. Brain: …urg. Ears: Oh, shut up brain. What are you complaining about? I’m the one who has to listen to freakin’ Michael Bublé first thing every morning. Brain: …blurg. Ears: I swear, if it gets to the chorus and I’m the only one awake for it again, you’re all going to have an ear infection to deal with in about three days. Brain: Ok, ok, I’m up. Look, sorry about Michael Bublé. He just really likes “Haven’t Met You Yet,” and this is the only time he can listen to it without anyone else knowing. Penis: But what if some girl sleeps over? Stomach: Seriously? Have you seen me lately? Penis: *Sigh* Yeah, I have…damn it. Brain: Come on, guys, figuring out how to get someone to spend the night here is a problem for four in the morning, not seven in the morning. Let’s focus on getting the eyes open right now. Eyes: No. Ears: Come on, eyes, we’re almost at the second verse already. Let’s get going. Eyes: It’s still dark out. It’s illegal to be awake when it’s still dark out. Brain: Eyes, we go through this every morning. You only think it’s still dark out because you’re closed. If you just open, you’ll realize the sun’s up. Eyes: …No. I’m pretty sure you’re lying this time. Brain: OH MY GOD IT’S A HOT GIRL! HOT GIRL IN THE ROOM RIGHT NOW! |
|
|
|
|
|
Written 2010-08-31 17:00:00
by Van Small
from Dickinson College
|
|
I work at a TV station and, when I'm not running camera for the news, I build graphics. For one graphic tonight, they asked for music items (orchestra, instruments, etc). I built a custom sheet music bit with the first part of "Lost Woods (Saria's Song)" from Ocarina of Time on the graphic. I'm hoping that anyone that can slightly read sheet music and knows Ocarina of Time watches the 10 O'clock news. A few weeks ago, I fell asleep making out with my girlfriend because I had stayed up all night playing Braid. When I was 2, I wanted an NES. My parents told me that "Santa" would bring me a Nintendo if I became potty-trained. With little difficulty, I mastered the ability of using a toilet. Christmas day arrived, and I recieved my NES. I also went back to crapping my pants. "Santa" visited my house again in the middle of the night and "stole" my system. He left behind a note changing the terms of our agreement, and promptly "returned" my beloved Nintendo after I agreed to always use an actual bathroom. The only thing that pisses me off about being short is that I can't do Sephiroth cosplay without looking silly. |
|
|
|
|
|
Written 2010-08-31 16:00:00
by Kevin Corrigan
from Rowan University
|
